Strengthen Your Strength Of Self

What’s your sense of self? How do you view your place in the world? How would you rate yourself on a scale of 10? We seldom think about these questions, well some of us even dismiss these as an ego trip. The fact is that a strong sense of self does a world of good to us. The higher our self-esteem, the better we are at making decisions and taking responsibility and are more likely to stick to them. The reason: we view the world from the prism of the self; that is, we are conditioned to think about ourselves in a certain way and when we perceive the world outside, our perception of self is reflected in it. In other words, if you think you are beautiful, the world will appear beautiful to you.

If you feel insecure, indecisive, you will be able to find those traits in people around you because it will be subconsciously playing on your mind. It’s something that our new-age healers call “attracting” to yourself. On the other hand, if you have a high self-esteem, you will not feel threatened about your position at the workplace or in society at large. You will be comfortable in your surroundings wherever you are.

Ashtavakra Gita puts it very beautifully, “Oh marvelous am I. I adore myself who though with a body am one. I have neither coming nor going anywhere (outside myself) and encompass the universe.” It’s a very powerful auto suggestion that strengthens the sense of self and guards against self-pity and guilt if there is any. We encompass the universe in this body; whatever is out there is present inside us. In short, we are mini universes in our own right.

Shouldn’t we then respect our self before being respectful to others? When we learn to respect our self, we also become clearer about our values, about our likes and dislikes. There is greater clarity about who we are as a person and that helps us in leading a good life.

~Cheers to the Good Life~

Smart Phones And Affirmations

     I was sitting with a friend Kelly the other day and she noticed the calendar alert on my cell phone would periodically sound which resulted in the appearance of a few powerful words on the screen. I told her that the words were NOT JUST WORDS but ACTUAL things, I said "these are my power deliberate belief affirmations". Inspired by Dr. Joseph Murphy, I decided 3 years ago that I wanted to reprogram my subconscious mind with powerful words that I felt would improve my life, change my behavior and overall heal my heart emotionally from the wounds of the past. I decided to deliberately choose new words of power that I wanted to believe and create in my life. I began to write down affirmations in a notebook and would read them several times through out the day. I noticed when I would read them I felt better each time I did that. Then, I decided to post sticky notes with affirmations on them in my bathroom mirror and while brushing my teeth I would say them silently in my mind and later out loud as I put on my makeup. 

     We go through life operating through our beliefs whether we are conscious of them or not. The subconscious mind is like your computer. It takes an input, processes it and gives an output. It does not think by itself. It does not distinguish between good or bad. If we put garbage in a computer we get garbage as output. Same applies to the mind.  (Negative input; self-talk/thoughts produces negative experiences).  Replacing old unwanted negative beliefs that are no longer serving us and replacing them with positive thoughts, produces good actions being performed and good deeds being done. 


     By constantly affirming powerful words, positive thoughts are impressed on your subconscious mind and, in turn, your thoughts and actions also turn out to be great. So, in order to change your beliefs and create a new reality, you have to bombard your subconscious mind with thoughts of your desire. However, these thoughts have to be worded carefully, otherwise the results may not be as expected. I make sure that I write my affirmations in present tense such as: I have, I am, always in the NOW! :) I only use positive statements. It seems to me that the subconscious mind is incapable of dealing in negatives.**smile** 


      Repetition is an awesome way of conditioning the mind. In order to bring about significant changes in your life, affirmations have to be done several times a day until they become a reality. If you do them for a few days only, the expected results may not come. Affirmations can either be spoken or be written down. When speaking, repeat them emphatically, preferably throughout the day. When I first started I would repeat them at least twenty times in the morning just when I got up and twenty times in the evening just before I’d go to sleep. Another great way is to write them down at least fifteen times daily. Writing is a faster way of impressing your subconscious mind says Napoleon Hill, in his legendary book  Think And Grow Rich.


 I like to think in the mind frame of a Chief Indian who wants to bring down the rain, he does the rain dance until he gets the rain. Ditto for affirmations, I do them until I get the desired results. However, for those who may not have time to write or say them twenty times in a row, I would suggest putting reminders in your calendar on your smart phone. I have found this to be the most helpful and quite the easiest. All you do is set it and forget it. :) Set the affirmation in your calendar as a reminder like you would an appointment or an event for the appropriate time you would like to say your affirmation.


Here is one of my fav affirmations: There is nothing that I can not be, do or have! I have a huge non physical staff that is ready to assist me and I am ready to receive what I justly earn. 


 Love and Light, 
Tenise <3

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Fear

FEAR, (False Evidence Appearing Real)

Do you know what makes it Real?

The answer is simple: it’s us. :)

It is us, and that large and complex brain of ours that seems to seek out drama, repeat negative self-talk, creates false illusions of fear, and generally makes our life difficult in almost all situations. Seriously.

Every single struggle we experience on a daily basis; every complaint, every dissatisfaction, every problem can be drilled down into a single source of root cause: our brain and the stories it tell us.

Because our brain’s job is to keep us safe, it is constantly acting from a place of fear. Its job is to ensure our survival. As such, its job is not to ensure that we have a blissful experience while we are alive.

Even when everything is going well, a little voice in our head will say, “Watch out! Something bad is going to happen.” Then panic sets in, and we experience that unnerving anxious feeling of possibly losing all the good we have going for us.

Our brain is exceptional at telling us engaging stories that are so convincing that it’ll influence us to also act out of fear and irrational anxiety. Additionally, It will vividly replay the emotional story in our mental theater over and over… over and over… over and over.

It’s torture, really.

Before you know it, you’ll start to believe in the story and trusting it to be true. It becomes solidified in your mind in the form of a belief–even if it wasn’t true. We then continue our life’s journey and take action from that place of false belief.

The problem is…. we end up suffering.

Sometimes, we suffer a lot. Sometimes, we suffer for a long time. We suffer because we don’t realize that we are the problem and that we are also the solution.

In order to move forward in our lives we must be willing to face the fears and challenge them. Take one step at a time to nurture our minds with positive self talk.. Get out and take a yoga class, do some deep breathing or go out and do something that you have never done before. Place new vocabulary in your brain, tell yourself that you are capable of overcoming what it is that has you afraid!

Love and Light! Tenise <3

Closing Or Ending Relationships

Breaking up or ending a relationship whether romantic or casual can be one of the toughest emotional struggles a person may go through.  It can be quite an emotional ride. It feels as if you’ve been dropped like a rock in mid air. As painful as a relationship can be as it’s ending, the experience or perceived loss can be the platform for change and the source of profound learning and the catalyst for personal growth.  Instead of looking at the end or closing of a relationship as painful, stressful or loss, see it as an opportunity to learn, as an opportunity to change in the direction you were meant to lead and benefit from.  See it as a situation to strengthen your weaknesses and polish your strengths.

Socially, we tend to correlate the ending of a relationship with failure.  We often articulate it as such; we may say “I’ve failed in this relationship”.  By using such language we leave a negative impression in our minds and an association with the relationships in general.  The ending of a relationship in my opinion is the ending of a Life Situation. Failure is the misconception.  The Life Situation is your story and it’s meant to be experienced through joy and challenges.  New life and death are all around us. Every inhale we take is the death of that breath; and life continues.

In all of our relationships we must be willing to be honest with ourselves when it comes to what we need and desire from the relationships and from our partners.  Most importantly we must learn how to relate to ourselves, being honest towards our own needs.  My definition of self-honesty is having the ability to totally value and trust your own SELF.  Being totally aware of your likes and dislikes, needs, wants and desires.  Paying attention to when you are violating your own energy.  By being somewhere that is no longer serving you.  Recognizing when you are putting your body under stress doing things that you truly do not want to do.  Not compromising under pressure or false pretenses. Also being honest with those around you and the world.  We have a tendency to stay in relationships that we know are not serving us because of FEAR. Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of hurting the other person even the fear of having to DEAL with an uncomfortable situation.  The guilt comes in when we recognize that we are not being honest with ourselves; and thus being unfair to our partners.


In some instances in many relationships one partner feels significantly stronger than the other in which creates the strong desire that rubs off on the other person.  This is defined as Borrowed Desire.  This usually happens in the presence of some one who is completely focused in getting what “THEY” want (ie. Your love), it has an influence on your desires when in “their” presence.   “You” pick up their strong vibe and their desire transfers to you.  In the presence of the more interested partner, the less interested partner will feel that “This is the right thing for me. This feels right”.  When separated from the partner with the strong desire, the less interested partner will feel less intense or indifferent about the relationship.

Love and Romance can be mutually exclusive.  We can love people without being in a romantic relationship.  I think we have been socially conditioned to believe that “love” for some has to equal romance.  Truth is the love we feel for others comes from a beautiful place within ourselves. The way we love ourselves is the way we love others. 

 Social pressure is another contributing factor that comes from the Ego out of fear when deciding to end a relationship.  Ones public image can weigh heavy on ones consciousness and can turn into negative self talk.  People often wonder what others would say or would think about them.  Gaining clarity and recognizing that we need to be honest with ourselves about the relationship helps to remove one from this state.

Traditionally, when relationships end, we tend to cut everything and everyone off.  It’s silly to conclude that after sharing months and years with someone, that if one component of the relationship changes, all else must be cut off.  Why can’t we continue with the other components of the relationship after our hearts are healed? Friendship does not have to be lost.

It is easy to let our own desires get in the way of reality, and we end up living in a fantasy world within our current relationships.  We let our minds get caught up in an idea, a vision of how something should be, and we end up living in that fantasy instead of reality.  We repeatedly play the same videos in our mind, and believe that we will be happy when our life situation matches that of the mental video.  So now I guess by now you are saying, “how then do we end a relationship”? Once you have come to the conclusion that ending the relationship is what you really want to do.  Here is a series of steps to help you through your new Life Situation.

1. Clarity

Make sure you understand why you are doing it. Sometimes the surface reason isn’t the real reason. Dig deep within yourself to find the real reason. Being surrounded by the situation can cloud your judgment. Separate yourself from the situation and spend some alone time. This will help you gain the clarity you need. I’ve found journaling to be an effective tool.

2.  Self Honesty

Make the commitment to be honest with yourself and the other person. The truth will set you free. Be committed to that.

3. Setup Meeting Time

Setup mutual time to talk to your partner as soon as possible. Some people are opposed to phone breakups. I think that face-to-face is always best, but if distance separates you, it’s best to do so as soon as possible rather than waiting.

4. State of Compassion

Before your meeting, get into a state of compassion for the other person. In a state of compassion, you will exude love and understanding, which you’ll need to help the other person heal. Some suggestions to help you get into a compassionate state:

                                Deep Breathing – Stand up straight, close your eyes, and place your hand on your heart. Take deep, long inhales and exhales. You can count the inhale/exhale length. After inhaling, hold your breath for a 5 count before exhaling slowly. Repeat at least 15 times.

                      Gratitude - Sit somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, and picture everything you are grateful for. One by one, images of people, situations, places, and things appear in your imagination. Alternatively, try writing this down instead of visualizing.

                         Focus on Love - Close your eyes. Optionally, put on some slow music in which you enjoy. In your imagination, go back to all the times when you felt loved and when you felt love for others. Imagine times where you truly felt happy and free. Imagine yourself as a little kid, experiencing joy and freedom. Do this exercise for at least 5-10 minutes.

5. The Meeting

During the meeting, focus on communicating your reasons clearly and respectfully for the sake of the other person. Here are some additional pointers for when explaining yourself during the meeting:

              a.         When explaining, focus on how things made you feel, this way your partner doesn’t get defensive. Make it clear that the situation is not their fault, since blaming doesn’t add value in helping the situation.

           b.        Talk about things you’ve learned from the relationship and what you are grateful for.

             c.         Be Genuine in everything that you say. If you don’t mean something, don’t say it. People can detect when you are not being authentic.

6. Be There

Your partner will get emotional and possibly very upset. They will bounce between different emotional states. Your job is to be there for them. Become the observer of the situation. Stay conscious, calm and alert.

7. Don’t take anything personally

When we are emotional and feeling hurt, we can easily become irrational and say things we don’t mean. Don’t be surprised if your partner acts like a small child and says unreasonable or mean things to you. They don’t mean it. They are simply hurt and need attention from you. Don’t take anything personally. Become the observer so you don’t get attached to what’s being said and react defensively.

8. Love Them

Love them regardless of the situation. They are human and have feelings. Remember you can love people without needing to be in a romantic relationship with them. Be there for them in that state of love and compassion, regardless of how they react. This will help you find your center, while remaining calm to best help the other person deal with the situation.

9. Fully Express Emotions

 If you feel like crying, do it, and do it fully. This will release the emotional clutter in your inner space.

10. Multiple Meetings
it really takes several days before news can sink in. Don’t expect to meet once and be done with it. It is your responsibility to be there for that person, at least initially during a breakup situation.

11. Be Available

Do whatever is necessary to help them heal without compromising your values. Be available for them when they need you.

12. Space

Give them space. They will be hurt no matter what, so even if they appear fine on the outside, they are hurting. What they need now is time. Check up on them a few times in the beginning to make sure they are okay and to let them know that they matter. Remind them that you are here if they need your help to heal.

13. Relinquish Guilt

You may experience guilt, since you are the one initiating the breakup. You see that you’ve caused pain and this may affect your state of being. The following are some ideas that help to let go of this feeling:

             a.         Meditation

 b.        Deep Breathing

 c.         Alone Time
d.        Exercise to release energy

Take the time to reflect on what this relationship has taught you about yourself, your needs, your challenges, etc. Take this learning and apply it to your next new love interest. Appreciate the "gifts" that this person has given you. Appreciate the lessons that the relationship provided. Send them off with love and gratitude.

"Everything and everyone is a mirror. Learn to recognize yourself in other people. It is only when you understand what it truly means to see yourself reflected back at you, that there is no room for blame, there is no room for judgment and there is no room to feel like a victim of another person's actions or words. There is only room for real love based on understanding and gratitude. Compromise comes easy, forgiveness is a given and growth is inevitable."  Tania Kotsos

Peace Love and Light

Tenise Brown

The Month of November

All I can say is WOW! The month of November was one of the best MONTHS of my life! I created quite a few amazing manifestations.

Peace and Light!
I will be post a Blog soon <3

Cultivating Self-Dicipline

For most of my life, I struggled like many others with cultivating self discipline.  This  bothered me a great deal for many years because I am a big dreamer and the lack of discipline hindered and almost completely stopped all progress towards many of my goals.  For years I tried everything from self judgment and criticism to wishing and praying.  LOL!!..., only to find myself back into the same old habits. Ugghhh..

Eventually, I decided to start stating a daily affirmation that changed my behavior.  Daily I affirmed, “I am disciplined and I am focused”.   YUP! I decided to KICK that nasty habit of procrastinating goodbye,  FOR GOOD!! I am now growing stronger each day in self discipline then ever before; completely without struggle. Ha! Yes! You read it right, completely without struggle.  NOW with Ease.  Although daily affirmations are not a magic pill however, I do believe that our thoughts create our reality so it's kinda like planting a seed.  Over time, with enough water and sunlight the seed grows and eventually it blossoms.  Therefore what we feed our subconscious becomes the manifestation of our reality.   I have proven this theory to myself many times over the past 2 years while using daily affirmations and must admit I am still sometimes shocked and amazed.

I no longer struggle to change things that I don’t want in my life.  I choose to believe in the power of my thoughts, therefore, I am creating the life I want by purposely/deliberately choosing my thoughts and eliminating or discreating those thoughts that do not serve me.

  

When you lack self discipline, you always have good intentions, you might even get started on a project or a diet or exercise but then fall off at some point.  And of course, we always have reasons or explanations for why we aren’t doing what we need to do to make our dreams come true.  Without self discipline dreams will always remain just that, a dream.

We all have gifts and talents that allows us to shine, focus and get determined to cultivate your gifts and live those dreams. Don't  just wish they could happen but actually Affirm, create and make them happen! The Universe wants to support you.  Someone else wants and needs your gifts.  YOU are the CEO of your Universe! Now Get BUSY!!!

Affirmation: I am the CEO of my Universe, I am disciplined, determined and focused!

Peace and Light!
Tenise Brown